One cold November night

It was a cold November night. But the boy wasn't wearing a sweater or a muffler. He was racing his bike towards the bus-station without fearing of the cold. His brain was blank like the bare sky without stars. He arrived and he saw the last bus of that night still standing on the platform no.1. His heart beat was at its peak. He was searching for his father. He raced and stopped his bike near the bus in a flash. He looked at each and every window from outside the bus but his father was nowhere. He went to the other side to search. Again he looked at each window and was disappointed again. He took a deep breath and released it in a sigh. His eyes were almost wet. He wanted to climb the stair of the bus and want to look inside, but he didn't have that much strength to climb the steps. He came to his bike, leaned, and took support of seat. He was thinking what to tell his mom. He was thinking what if he'd never be able to see his father's face again. He was thinking what if mom collapsed. He was numb.

There was a window which was still closed, But the boy has lost all hope to see his father again. But suddenly his father opened that window from inside the bus. His father was siting there. Right there beside the window. The Boy's eye lit up. He sobbed. He tried to scream but couldn't. He just raised his hand and waved it in the air. His father was looking at him but he turned away his gaze like he didn't notice anything. The Boy stopped waving. He thought his father was annoyed with him and trying to behave like he was unknown. But that's not the truth. Something struck to the boy. He screamed to him. “DAD. It's me". Father looked at him with wide eyes. Suddenly father started to cry like a small baby. The Boy was trying to hold his tears back. His father was drunk. That's why he didn't recognize his own son at first sight and turned away his face. Both were looking at each other but neither one knew what to say. Father was still crying and the passengers were looking at him. The Boy hated those stares of the passengers. But he couldn't do anything.

Then the driver arrived and geared up the bus. Father didn't want to go away from his own son but he didn't get off the bus. The Bus started to rush on the road. The Road was dark and only the headlights of the bus was lighting it up. The Boy pushed keys of his bike in the ignition hole and started it. He was following the bus. His father was holding his head out of the window and waving his hand. He was signaling his son to hold his hand. The Boy refused. He said "I'm on the bike. I'll fall down". Father was pleading like he would die if the boy would not hand-shake with him. It was a cold night, but son and father were not aware of it. The Bus was gaining acceleration. But boy didn't want to disappoint his father's wish. He changed the gear and put the bike in 5th. He touched his father’s hand with his right hand. The Bike was running in parallel with the bus and the boy was controlling it well with only his left hand. Father didn't want to leave his son's hand. He said “Take care of your mother and sister". Son: "I will." Father started to cry more heavily. Boy told him to stop crying and he'll take care of his mother. Father's eyes were red because of wine. All the passengers were looking to this idiotic drama, but they didn't know the pain of father and son.

Son retarded the speed of his bike as he saw a big obstacle. It was a lid of drainage. Both hands were separated now. Boy screamed: “you take care, papa". Father replied with more tears only. Still father's hand was out of the window. He again wanted to hold his son's hand, but bus was running too fast. Boy: "I’m going home now. Mom is waiting for me. She'll worry if I don't reach her soon." Father: "Tell her to take care". Son: "I will". Boy was feeling pain deep inside. The pain which he couldn't describe. He wanted to hug his father but he couldn't. He wanted to weep his tears but he couldn't. He wanted to get back with his father but he couldn't. He was feeling the pain like a hell.

Now the bus was moving towards the highway. It was the end of that small town. Boy's home was in a different direction from that tri-cross road. Boy stopped his bike. Father was signaling him to continue riding and following him, but boy chose not to go far now. Boy stopped his bike. He was crying. He didn't want to let his father go away. The bus driver was in hurry because he had to travel a lot, So he accelerated the bus even more. Boy was feeling cold on his cheek due to tears. His father's head was still outside the window. Still his father was waving his hand. Slowly, slowly it faded away and now boy only could see the red back lights of the bus. Then those red lights started to flicker from far away and just disappeared. The dark highway and silence surrounded the boy. He looked up to the sky. He wanted to curse the god but he couldn't. He just closed both eyes and rode the bike towards the home where his mom was waiting for him. "I let my father go. Now he can live his life peacefully and we will live ours." Boy told to his mom. Boy was feeling pain but didn't show. His mother was looking at his eyes. She didn't speak. She wanted to hug her son and wanted to cry, but she just turned her face and got back to her work in the kitchen. It was mid night by then. Boy was lying in his bed. He was crying. Mother was lying in her bed. She was crying.

Awkward situations

The last post was too heavy to bear. I was sentimental at that time because of that incident at tea-stall. And that’s why that post turned out somewhat sad. You know emotions, can’t stay in control. But now this time I thought, I would write about something funny, something light without overload of emotions and something really awkward. In life, sometimes we are stunned for a moment and skip our heart beat. There’s one saying, “Even though you’ll cut his vein, the blood won’t flow out”. Exactly about that situation I want to post. But after that stunning moment you don’t have any serious circumstances but uncontrollable laughter. After all I want to talk about funny things.

I was attending marriage of my school friend on 4^th December at Surat. He’s my close buddy name RAJAN. We were in same class in school, used to sit on same bench and he almost passed out each exam by copying from my answer sheets. He’s huge in body and looks like gangster. So I was at his marriage. We were standing in a crowd and talking about life. He was yawing after speaking each sentence. I told him “Buddy, you’re going to marry today. You should be fresh. And you’re yawning each second like you haven’t sleep since a week.”

RAJAN: “Nah man! Just yesterday night, we friends were sitting lazy and talking about crap things till 2.00 am. So I’m feeling sleepy”.

ME: “Come on boy. It was just 2.00. Now from today you have to be awake the whole night. Your wife won’t let you sleep boy.”

And I started to laugh. But he didn’t laugh. I was surprised. “What’s the matter boy? I cracked a joke and you’re not laughing at it. Oh it was poor joke but at least you can smile man!” I told him

But still he was showing me same NO-EXPRESSION face. I was amazed. Everyone was silent around me at that time. I was feeling like I did a crime. Then Rajan spoke. And here even though you’ll cut my vein then also blood won’t flow out.

“Pratik, the man standing beside you is my wife’s brother.” He clarified.

I looked at him. He was still looking at me in disgust. I changed my expression in SORRY mode. But still he was staring at me with wide eyes. I thought about my broken bones if he would decide to beat me. I thought about insult if he would slap me in public. “Man! I was just trying to create a light atmosphere around me. It was just a silly joke” I wanted to tell him. But didn’t tell. After all I cracked joke about his sister. And which Indian boy would bear if joke is all about his sister. I felt crap. I just walked away in silent without noticed by anyone. Rajan came near me. I was silent. He started to laugh suddenly. “Now for what the hell he was laughing? Is he just understood my joke now or what?” I thought.

RAJAN: “Are you stupid, man? Why did you speak those words in public? Just take care who’s around you bro.”

ME: “But it was just a silly joke man. And your family members are not less than 50. How could I recognize everyone? Just give one big sticker to your relatives and tell them to stick it on their head so I can recognize your relationship with them?”

RAJAN: “That’s why I didn’t laugh there. And don’t worry he’s not my wife’s brother. He’s my cousin’s husband. But still it creates a bad impression if you say such stupid words. Just take care”

I was relieved after hearing those words. I asked him “then why you lied to me at first?”

RAJAN: “just like that. I Wanted to watch your expression”

I ran behind him to beat.

That was a really awkward moment for me. Then during the whole marriage ceremony I didn’t speak much. I just stared at beautiful girls. But didn't say anything.

Well, in another incident I almost fainted. In my family all are cricket maniacs. They are diehard fans and LAST-BALL hope guys. If there’s cricket match of India then its atmosphere like festival at my home. You don’t need to listen to commentary in the presence of my family members. One day it was a match of India. I don’t remember with which team. My parents, two uncles, one aunt, two cousins, my sister and I all were in front of our T.V. In between two overs it was a commercial going on. Rahul Dravid was standing with helmet in his hand and was giving advice about AIDS. He mentioned the word condom there while patting on his helmet. In India if there’s any commercial going on T.V. regarding sex then all family members act like they are not paying attention to it and they pretend children are not paying too. But no one can stay away from that 3 letter word. Suddenly my younger cousin, who was age of 10 years at that time, asked “Pratikbhai, Is condom means a helmet? Huh?” I was stunned. I tried to pretend that he didn’t ask me. I didn’t reply and started to talk about something else. But you know obstinate child is like Government servant. He won’t be satisfied until his demand is satisfied. He asked again even louder “Tell me, is condom and helmet both the same? Or don’t you know like me?” Now my all family members were staring at me like they really want to know whether I really know about condoms or not. My sisters wanted to laugh but didn’t. They left the room. Still all are eyes were scanning my expression. Even though you’ll cut my vein then also blood won’t flow from inside. I looked down and answered “yeah, Rahul Dravid was right. You understood perfectly.” He replied with a smile “I always knew”. “Yeah better. Then why did you ask me, you moron?” I thought. I don’t know If my family members were satisfied by my answer or not. Or were they thinking “stupid Pratik doesn’t even know this thing ?” I left the room quickly. I looked at my sisters and they started to laugh at me like they have seen joker. I started to laugh too. “I know the meaning of condom” I told them.

In another incident, I was travelling in a bus. It was a heavy crowd at that time. I don’t know why all crowd like to travel in the same bus in which I travel. As usual I didn’t get seat, so I was standing and cursing the crowd. How could it be possible if I travel in a bus and an incident not happen? One uncle sat beside where I was standing, and he was talking to his neighbor about grooms, if his neighbor wants to find one for his daughter. He was talking so loudly that probably the whole bus could have heard his voice. He suddenly pointed at me and screamed “Exactly like this boy is another boy living in a village near mine. Just look at him.” And suddenly around 30 passengers turned their face towards me. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to tell them that uncle is lying, there isn't any existence of such a boy like me and don’t look at me like this. He screamed again “yeah! Same height, same body, same face. What a coincidence!” Now everyone started to scan me from my toe to cap. And started to gossip. I was feeling embarrassed. Now I realize how a girl feels when we scan her like this and then start to gossip about it. Still uncle was not satisfied. He went further. “And you know he’s studying engineering in a college”. Hell!!! I was studying engineering too. Thanks god he didn’t mention ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING or I’d jump from the bus, I thought. But no how can it be over so easily when it’s me in the picture. He mentioned the course name. “It is something electrical or electronic engineering”. I looked at that uncle and wanted to tell please stop you matrimonial publicity and let live me peacefully or you’ll murdered by me right now. But he was looking at me like he was asking me “Are you an electrical engineer too or what?” I shook my head like he had really asked me. How can that many detail can match at same time. Again that uncle turned towards me and screamed “This is the perfect boy for your daughter, you can come to look at him. He’s Xerox-copy of this one.” He pointed out me. His neighbor again looked at me. I raise my head and look ahead but all passengers were staring at me like they all are looking for a groom for their daughters. How can anyone manage to look anywhere when all people around him are looking at his face? I just looked at the roof of the bus pretending it was the sky and started to pray “God! Will you shut this moron up? Or he’ll plan my wedding in this bus” People were laughing at me. I couldn’t laugh. It was really awkward situation for me. Really!!

One day I was sitting in a garden with my friends and we all were laughing madly about something. We were not aware of who’s standing near us or who’s passing through the garden. I suddenly started to abuse one of my friends. I was still laughing after abusing him. But I didn’t know that my laughter is going to be converted in awkward situation soon. While I was laughing after abusing, two persons were passing behind me. They suddenly stop and turned towards me. Still I wasn't aware. I was laughing loudly. But when I turned my face to them, all the colors of my face blew away. They were our professors. Y.S.Patel and V.R.Patel. Both are scary. If they decide then your grandson would complete his graduation before you. Y.S.Patel screamed “who the hell is this? Huh? Who the hell is abusing in campus?” His eyes were red. None of us spoke a single word. All were scared. All knew that I abused. Even the professors knew, still they asked that stupid question. V.R.Patel replied,”that fellow” pointing with his index finger. Y.S.Patel, “Is this a way to behave in campus? In which branch are you?” V.R.Patel, “Electrical, I think, 5^th sem electrical” He replied like an assistant. Thank you for providing correct information you idiot, I thought. Y.S.Patel, “give me your I-card. And who’s your H.O.D.(head of department)? Mr. M.R.Patel na?” I nodded. Don’t know why he was asking such question which he can answer on his own. I brought out my wallet and acted like I was searching for my I-card. It was inside the wallet. But if I’d give my I-card then I’d fire. I lied and said “sorry sir, I don’t have I-card with me right now. I’ve submitted in library.” V.R.Patel, an assistant spoke, “look, now this boy don’t have even his I-card with him.” But Y.S.Patel has sharp eyes. He looked at a piece of paper folded neatly and asked, “What is that thing? Show me.” I unfold the paper. It was my exam receipt. Y.S.Patel, “give me that one and meet me in my cabin. I’ll send you to your H.O.D. he’ll look you. Just remember I’ve your exam receipt” He went away. I and my friends were still sitting in garden. Those morons started to laugh at me rather than giving sympathy. Now what to do? Actually that exam receipt was old. I’ve given that exam. But that receipt had my photo and my name and stated my branch too. Damn! I decided to go to meet him. I convinced one friend to come with me. I entered in his cabin. He was looking at me angrily. I said “sorry sir”. “What sorry! Is this your home that you can abuse here?” “Stupid, no one abuses at home. Do you?” I thought. “Sorry sir, this won’t happen again. I’m giving you surety.” I said in regretful expression. He was a nice guy. He knew that abusing is not bad thing. It’s natural. After all it is the best way to express feelings with true emotions. He gave my receipt back and said “take care next time, or I’ll send you to your H.O.D.” I took my receipt and thanked him for not sending me to Mr.M.R.Patel. You should have seen my expression when I got caught in the garden in front of those 2 professors. It was like, Even though you’ll cut my vein, Blood won’t flow from inside.

I need a Shotgun

In the life, Sometimes you feel like that “why don’t you have any rights to kill someone?”, “Give me a shot gun, I want to shoot right in between the eyes of this bastard ".” This person has no authority to live a life and call a human being". Don't you feel? Yep. Everyone feels. Most probably after watching Ekta kapoor's serials or after listening songs of Himesh Reshamiya. They are as horrible as nightmare. Okay. Apart from the joke, you'll seriously feel like that in your day-life. Before the few days, I was sipping the tea at our regular kittle. It's really habitual now to take nicotine from there. I can't stay away from drinking the tea. You'll find the best mixture of the nicotine and the milk at the Nilkanth tea stall. It's not a famous one in our area, but I do feel it serves the best. And the location it gets is something you can call unique like shown in the movie. In the deep street, at the last shop, and beside that shop you'll find one of the darkest, deepest and longest another street. Probably no one can imagine that there is a tea stall until and unless some one takes you there. The owner name is "I don't know" as usual. But every morning he used to say me "JAY BHOLENATH" when I used to go there. And I used to greet him with "HAR HAR MAHADEV". I'm not that much religious boy but still it brings name of the god every morning, and I feel good about it. He is tall and he has big moustache. I know him as BIG-MAN. He's quite, you can say like dedicated in his work. One day He was telling how he used to serve with his best and that’s why how he used to manage so many customers even he's not the famous CHAY WALA. You know, we have made one type of bondage in the relation as he's serving me as a special customer and pour tea in the special cups. I respect him a lot. But still I don't know his name. He looks like the Guajarati but he's the Rajasthani by born and he has lots of problem in the accent of Gujarati language. He lives nearby, but I guess he doesn’t has wife because so many times I’ve seen him cooking in the shop. One day he was offering me food also. But I want a shot gun or a machine gun and I want to hit all those bullets, how many a gun can be filled with, right in to his head. Yeah, I really want to. No doubt, he serves the best tea and always serves with me that best one. But I still want to see his photo in news paper stating killed by me. Oh! Don't worry, I haven't made any special hit list and he's not on the top of that. But yes, He has no right to live. That shop also has another 3 members. One uncle is as old as much him, he just used to smile everyday to me rather than greeting me with another god's name like "JAY SWAMINARAYN" or anything else. So I just smile back to him daily. And there's only a SMILE-RELATION between us. And another 2 members are small boys.

Yeah, little boys of the age of, I guess, 8 to 12 years. Both don't speak much. They only re-act only when their two bosses used to roar at them. "OYE, take those cups", "come on! Wash the plates quickly", " Where the hell are you moron? That guy is waiting for his damn cup". These all are command lines for him and they'll do their work like an order of the army man. They'll only speak to you if you had forgotten to pay the money or forgotten to take the money back. Honest boys, you know. Before few days I was thinking that they both were son or relatives of those two owners. One day I decided to talk with one of those two little guys. I called him to bring tea and he brought in a flash of the light. I asked him to sit with me but he refused gently. He couldn't sit otherwise his boss would scream and curse. I asked him “where you're studying?". But he choose to answer me with the silence. I asked again “In which standard you're studying?". Again I'm answered by the silence. I thought to leave the efforts.But suddenly it struck and I asked “Are you studying or not boy?".And here I got the answer in his shook of head. Hell man!! I looked to the BIG-MAN and asked in angry voice, “Is he not studying?"

He said “NO” in cold voice. I stunned. The taste of tea was not good anymore as I feel there everyday. I asked again “Why he's not studying?".

"It's written in his destiny not to study", BIG-MAN answered. And that hit me like a hell. AND rest conversation is like this.

Me: "But there's a government school, you'll get an education in free."

BIG-MAN:"Who'll keep these boys? Who’ll give space to live them?"

ME:" Of course you, Aren't they are your anything?"

BIG-MAN: "Nope, They are nobody to us."

Me: "Then? Then who are these boys? From where they belong?"

BIG-MAN: "They are here to work only. They are from Rajasthan, far away 70km from my village. Nothing more than it"

Me: "Hell, And where's their parents?"

BIG-MAN: "In the Rajasthan"

Me:" So these boys are living here in another state, probably not aware of geography of Gujarat, without education, working like a stupid dogs, And for what? "

BIG-MAN: "to earn the money of course, to help their parents, it's their choice"

Me: "this is totally unfair, are they going to wash your cups and plates for their entire life?"

BIG-MAN: "Of course, what else can they do? It's written in their destiny, I told you. If every one become rich than whom will you call poor? If mason will become rich than who will built the house? Everyone has their roll in the life. And these boys have theirs."

And here I needed that SHOT-GUN. I wanted to kill him, the person whom I respect a lot for his dedication for tea, and the person who used to greet me with name of god. Is he really speaking these words? How can a human thought like this even?

ME: "Oh man! Who the hell are you to decide their destiny? Huh? He wants to study. I can sense that thing in their silence"

BIG-MAN remained speechless then. I looked towards the boy. He was a bit terrified. I asked if he wants to study or not? But again his silence gave me an answer. I turned towards another boy and asked the same thing. He replied “Will you teach me ENGLISH?"

Me: "Definitely buddy, every Sunday, 2 hours for you".

He smiled. I smiled and turn towards the big man. But he was not happy at all.

He told me:"shop is open for Sunday too, He can't come".

Me: "I'm just asking for only two hours. I won't take any fees, man!"

But He shook his head. I turned my face and noticed the expression of boys. I paid the bill and left. Then I remembered faces of Boys. One was looking sad. One was numb and cleaning the surface of table. Both were annoyed. I had not strength to say them sorry. I had not strength to say them that I can’t help you boys. I had not strength to smile at them. I had not strength to ask for my tea. I was feeling so weak that I can’t help them. That’s why I just left. I was thinking about their eyes, how their eyes were lit up when he was asking about learning English and how his eyes were almost wet when the BIG-MAN refused to let him learn. I was thinking how both will look after 20 years cleaning the mess in that shop? I can’t keep both with me as I'm still struggling to survive in the city of 5.2 million populations. I wanted to go back and wanted to explain how those boys can be an engineer or a doctor. But I didn't go. I didn't have that much courage. I tried to sleep but those innocent eyes were staring at me. I felt the weakest among all the human being.

Next morning I went there again. Things were changed. I was not greeted by "JAY BHOLENATH" anymore. I looked to the boys. Like every day they were working calmly. One boy looked at me and then turned his face without smile. BIG-MAN brought the tea. Oh! Tea was not good too. The first time I didn't enjoy tea there. The taste of nicotine didn't please me. I don’t have strength to go back there now. I want to help them. But I don’t have strength, I don’t have courage. I’m weak.

The Window seat

Okay. So after reading the title again You've thought that I'm gonna share my experience of that ugly crowdie busy journey. Right?. But I will like to prove you wrong this time. Yeah.Agreed that the title seems like that but this time it is not my that so called memorable journey, it’s your journey, its everyone’s journey.

Just give a guess to your the most powerful organ named brain that what you think about,when you used to step up into the bus or train? If you're a boy then there should be 2 choice. 1st A Window seat and 2nd Ofcourse A beautiful girl on beside seat. Do I need to mention 2nd one? nah..!! And if you're a girl then once again there should 2 choice. 1st but obvious A window seat. 2nd again any Girl (not necessary whether it is beautiful or not). Oh don’t think I made mistake in 2nd option. It was for a girl and girl will always need another girl in her beside seat.(except case of married couple, all married are martyr, lets never think about them) In India there's no chance that girl has desire to give beside seat to any guy. They don’t trust on us. Don’t know what we have done so bad for them. And still you don’tbelieve then please go in public and arrange pole for it. "Whom a girl seeks in beside seat?". The result will prove me right. And If you're a boy than you must aware of how a girl(even though she's not beautiful) gives you disgusting look when you grab seat beside her. She'll stare at you, then will look for her duppatta (like we are rapist), then will give a hand to their hair like they are giving a shot for any movie, then will yawn to give a sign that she didn’t have notice us and don’t care for us, And still if you're looking at her(If she's beautiful) then you'll be rated as the most nonsense boy she has ever met inher entire life and give you a "Don't dare to talk with me" look. But we boys will take allthis as our honor and will start to ignore her(except the case, you have nice long record in flirting). And I bet you girls can’t ignore our ignorance. But this ignorance will improve your impression, I tell you. And now I'm not here to give you tips how to set a girl (If she's beautiful) in journey so let's move to that window seat for what I want to write.

So we were at what you'll think when you step up in to the bus or train. Right? And in both case we got the window seat as first choice. But why we always think about the window seat only? why? Is there any particular reason? Or someone gonna give you award for seating on window seat maximum times? Nah.! then why? What it gives pleasure to look outside the window? You can also enjoy it from beside seat. No big deal. If you gonna give reason that

I’m gonna get fresh air then please don't give that. it will be foolish. Because you know that very well, that you and window seated will feel same breeze of air. Won't make any difference at all. If you think that the journey will comfortable at window seat then tell me are there thrones they have glued so journey becomes un-comfortable beside the window seat? No. Then why we come to at killing someone to enjoy the window seat? nah! Seriously. Don’t you ask for only window seat while booking you ticket in advance? If there's not availability of window seat than you'll give him a sad sigh and will ask you to do some adjustment. dont you? And If there isn't any possibility then simply you'll move to another agent taking the same demand. Oh! that agent has lost one customer due to this window seat.What's there in that window seat? is there any black magic they have done while making those seats?

Let me try to tell you about that magic what i feel. But it’s not black. Not at all. When I used to grab that window seat first of all I feel something different from the rest of the passengers. Like I'm unique to get this black magic seat. Of course it sounds stupid and it is. I have relief that now I'm not the part of that ugly crowd. Of course the person seating beside is not too. But still he'll feel pushes from crowd and being asked to adjust. But here I'm king now. I look outside. Hell.. again all the same things. Nothing is changed today. Those old green trees, those all big hoardings, those all big shops. And I wish if i can fill lives on those un-moving object created by man and god(talking about trees) So i can have different views every day. But it is useless to think about. Moving House and shops will look scary. So nothing changes here. Oh! where's that magic of window seat man? is all that excitement to grab window seat burnt in air now? Yeah!. Probably. But still people will cut your throat to register their seat. Just try to observe the person looking outside the window. Just try to observe his/her eyes and expression while gazing outside the window. And if there's any boy then of course he has only one aim to look outside and i don't need to mention it now. I know you're smart. But just notice how he stretch his stare from starting to ending. How his eyes roll and scan everything about that girl. Oh! I don’t want A certificate for my post so won't write more now. I know you're too smart and will understand everything at own. And suppose you found any known face outside the window then literally you'll scream. Like you'll give him thumbs up that you got window seat and going somewhere. And also you will to catch more attention of other public. Count it in Benefits of window seat. And think you're travelling at 4 a.m. in the morning of winter, you fight with the fellow passenger to grab window seat, you succeed, you take seat, And now you realize that oh! Hell.. the window is broken and you haven't wear sweater. Probably you'll use lots of "F" words to drivers and conductors and of course to our government. Here you'll enjoy the true color of black magic. Experience is speaking.

But these window seat has taken a little and special place in corner of our heart. I see same trees, same shops, same hoardings, same roads, but still I don’t get bore. No one can bore. How it seems interesting to see naked children bathing outside the house in summer from window seat. how it seems interesting to watch fighting burst out on the road from window seat. How it seems interesting to listen abusing of passenger who has waited so long on the bus stop and driver don’t stop the bus there. How it seems interesting to enjoy when traffic jams and one beautiful girl on scooty wearing goggles stops beside your window seat. How it seems so cool to breath while bus passing over the river from window seat. How it

seems interesting to watch when sun is rising and stars is seting in early morning from window seat. How it seems so pleasurable to watch small children rushing for the school hanging a water bag in their neck. How it seems interesting to notice the name of small ugly streets and ugly cart of fast food. How it seems so interesting to see the world rushing here and there with anxiety to search their own world. And How it seems interesting to notice the passenger inside the bus giving annoyed look that they don’t have window seat and you have.

That's the magic.

Am i in love? -2

I hope after seeing the title you may have judge about what I’m going to write this time. Yeah. Again it's about a "one day". Some time you won’t find any reasons behind what's happening with you. You have only choice. Whether you can enjoy it or you can ignore it. In my life, I usually never run behind the reasons. Because whenever I tried, I’ve lost preciousness of those moments. Hell!... What's a need to give load to our tiny brain? I'm using my company's computer to post here now days. A totally unprofessionalism I’m following now a days. But you know, it’s always pleasurable when you're doing wrong things intentionally. Last time after posting I was returning back to my flat. Again in the bus I was thinking that I’m making my each day memorable without any special efforts. I was thinking about the content I've posted. Is any incident left? Then I found so many things I could have written but I didn't. I was thinking, which one was the most memorable and funny? Are you guys going to enjoy it? Same time I was reading autobiography of Gandhiji. The story of my experiments with truth. Then I closed the book. I was probably tired. I closed my eyes. Suddenly I heard a lots of vehicle honking. I looked outside the window. But probably I haven't seen more than lots of heads with black hairs. I asked one uncle (DADA) seating beside me. "What’s the matter? Anything happened?"

He replied "Don’t know man. It's heavy crowd. Probably someone is knocked up by any vehicle."

I said "okay", without much interest and probably with dry expression. I close my eyes again, trying to sleep. But uncle wants to talk with me more.

He said “its Diwali time. And our Amdavadi people used to get mad during this time".

"Oh! Really! It’s a crowd of mad people" I told.

And our bus stuck in traffic. Hell. Again I'm gonna reach late today. What food I’m gonna eat today. I can’t stay away from thinking about food in anyway.

Dada told me “Do you know son, I'm of 78".

"Oh! No one can say that by looking you once" I smirked and said after observing his skin of face and strength of hair.

And here I got my first friend in the bus, age of 4 times greater than me. Conversation begins. I was not much interested because I wanted to sleep. But still I can’t insult insistent of someone to talk with me.

DADA: “Son, I did lots of research on the mentality of this city.

Me: “oh! Did you?”

Now DADA was turning in true color. Probably OSHO has entered now suddenly from somewhere. I don’t know why old people like to talk in sophisticated and high advice tone. Can’t they talk about movies and Girls? It’s more interesting after all.

DADA: “people are getting change. Look at the crowd. No one cares for anyone. They are rushing here and there just for their happiness. They can cut each other’s neck to held theirs up”

[“What's a new thing in it DADA. Now please don’t start with “BHAI BHAI NA J DUSHAMAN CHHE (Brothers enemy now)” stuffs”, I thought.]

Me: “Yeah. You're right.”

DADA: “I've lived here mine almost life. I've lived in Bapunagar for 40 years. Then moved toward another direction of city. I've worked here in "Baumali makan" (multi storage building) for 50 years. Now I'm retired. Enjoying the last days.

Me: “Ahemedabad is nice place to live. I do like crowds. I hate flats where people used to lock their self in to their well furniture room. I'm living here in Ahemedabad since 2 month and I don’t even know name of my neighbor and he always used to give me disgusting look every time I open up lock of my flat. I don’t found people more co-operative here.

DADA: “No boy. It's not like that. People are co-operative but they have lost trust from each other. Everyone is not like that. You don’t have much experience of human beings.”

[“How can I have an experience as I’m just passed out my engineering before 2 months? So I’m fresher. I hate this experience name stuff. Because in each and every interview they ask about my experience with technical stuffs and rejected me as I’m fresher with confusion of movement of electrons” I thought.]

Me: “Yeah! You’re right. I'm of age of your grandson."

DADA: “you know. City is dived in two parts by this river. West and East. And now there's vast difference in their culture too. The people belong from that side of river used to buy their shirts and pants from the Show room of any air-conditioned mall and here this side still people have tailor to stitch their outfits.”

Me: “That's true. Now it’s a matter of status dada.”

Then we talked about the mall culture and street culture for few minute. Dada was getting sentimental. Suddenly he pointed out the building in Lal darwaja.

DADA: “Boy. Look at that building. I've worked there. That window was mine.”

[“Come on DADA. Building has 10 floors and probably has 100 windows. How I can know which one was yours?” I thought]

Me: “Oh. You probably you have great view of city from there.”

DADA: “Of course. I have seen each and every moment of this city from that window.”

DADA stared at that building for few minutes. I was exchanging my look from building to dada and dada to building. Still I didn’t have figure out that window which one of his. And I was thinking about the view of evening from that window.

ME: “Dada. I think you're missing this place lot. People know you here. What you used to do now days? Don’t you getting boar without any work at home?”

DADA: “Hey! Who says I don’t have any work to do. Huh? I'm a working person still this moment of my life. Just scenario of work is changed. I travel this city every day. I do have good friend circle in Bapunagar. When you pass the 70, this AMTS allows benefits of age and you can travel in free. I used to go everyday there to meet my friends. We seat together, we orders BHAJIYA and GANTHIYA with cup of tea. We talks about our daily life. We discus about the things in which city is engaged. We do research about the life. Am I sounding workless now?”

[Wait a minute. DADA has mentioned a FOOD? Hell. I’m starving.]

Me: No. No way DADA. You’re awesome and doing most interesting stuff of life. You do have time to meet your friends. You do have time to remember your golden souvenirs. What anyone needs more than this? In my life too friends matter more than anything.”

DADA: “I've two sons. One is pharmacist and one is electronic engineer. Both are married and well settled. I've bought two flats for them. One day I live with elder one and on another day I live with another one. My electronic engineer has his own company at C.G.Road. Now tell about what i should have worry?”

Me: “DADA. I'm an engineer too. Just two month old in engineering world and probably youngest in my company”.

(“Hell DADA. Tell your son to give me better job in his Company,” I wished to tell him. But I couldn’t.)

Than we discuss about the life in ahmedabad. How one lives who used to ride an AUDI and how one live who doesn’t have rupees to take auto rickshaw and travels on his feet so many Kilometers.

At one stage we both became silent. He lost in his life he has lived and I lost in mine, what life I want to live. Oh man. Am I afraid of myself? Pratik. “Who are you, man?” I asked to myself. I guess it’s a wrong question. I should have asked "What are you, man?” Oh. What really I'm. I guessed. I have never thought. “Did I get whatever I want in my life ever? Am I satisfied with what I have?” I asked again.

“Nope. Never. Than how will you get the life, you want to live? Huh? You’re always pessimist.” I got reply from myself.

“Nah! I’m little more than pessimist.” I said.

“Hey! There's only one thing everybody has which never dies, and that’s hope.” I was convincing me.

“Oh hell. I don’t want sympathy now. I never got whatever I wanted but I never became sad for that thing. I'm living happily with the moments I’ve got. I never run behind the reasons and never want to. I become sad when something stuck but heal myself very Soon. And I’m improving man. I enjoy the surprises now whether it makes me sad or makes me happy. At least I’m not getting everyday same and boring to live. Before few years I was using this word when I used to put in unpredictable situation. "Why this happens to me?" and now I just smile and more smile. WOOOO... Its thrilling moment let's have damn party now. I was a failure at each and every aspect of my life. Yeah I’m damn failure till today. So what? Should I’ve to leave living? What the hell that makes any difference if nobody cares for me like I care for them. Should I’ve to leave taking care for them? I’ve never used to wear branded shirts and jeans like everyone else. So what? Should I’ve to start hating myself too? After all what you expect from life? A Job which pay me salary in 5 or 6 digit? A house painted in beautiful colors and has great outside sea shore view? A BMW of 6 million painted in shining silver color? Levis unbuttoned jeans and Gap t-shirts, each paired of 5000? A girl who has figure like Megan fox or Scarlet Johnson? Fame like Gandhiji, so future currency contains your face instead of him? Huh? And suppose if you’ll get these things, than what? Your objective of living is over or you’ll start expecting more high five things? Huh? And what’s the wrong if I’ll die as a person what I’m right now? I’ll be a ghost and wander here and there in searching of life I’ve never got. And it’s really easy for the ghost to get everything whatever they want, I’ve heard let’s try”. I asked to myself. I felt a bit noise of silence here.

“Hey Pratik! You’re on the way of your life you want to live.” Inner voice came.

"Ambawadi", Conductor screamed and broke the meandering waves of my thoughts. I smiled to DADA. I said Bye. I wanted to thank him. But didn’t. Again he made my day unforgettable and gave you to read this post. Oh! Sorry I don’t remember his name. But still thanks man. But it would be better if he has talked to his son about my job. Lol.

Am I really falling in love with this crowded city full of dirty roads and with its unpredictable combination of accidents with co-incidents?

Am I in love?

At sharp 6.45 am in the morning, alarm starts to ring. I open up my eyes. Shit, the first reaction on my face. I used to sleep again and sets alarm of 7.00 am. Again after 15 minutes it starts to torture me again. This alarm is one of the worst equipment ever invented by human being, I tell you. Don’t know why the hell time of night passes so fast? Just before half an hour I slept, how can sun rise so early, it feels every day to me. At 7.45 am, I used to get city bus from Vastrapur and dropped at Ambawadi at 7.55 am. And here I start to count each n every minute for the bus no. 151. I pray that “bus will empty, so I can stretch myself for another 45 minutes in sleep”. And my journey starts when driver gears up the bus. It takes another 45 minutes for the bus to reach at Ramol patiya. I close my eyes and try to sleep but brain starts to think, a failure attempt. I tell you this is the busiest route of this AMTS service carrying different people from different class. From the one stand a gentle man climbs up the stair of the bus with the TITAN watch on his wrist and Ray Ban goggles and from another station an old worker climbs up the stair with old Tiffin and torn shirt. And within a 15 minutes bus gets full like hell from Lal darwaja. Person can’t even breathe properly. From those people, 80% percent crowds belong from lower class (I know, I don’t have any right to decide the classes of people, so don’t take it in a wrong way). I stare to them and try to figure out what he is feeling right now? Whether he’s happy or he’s just trying to hide sadness under a fake smile? How much he used to earn everyday and how much he used to save? Whether he has wife who has cooked that food inside Tiffin and child playing with the toys if he has? Whether his children used to go to school or he’s also working somewhere else like his father so both ends can meet every day? Whether he is used to sleep at night or spends his night on the road under bare sky? Which ingredients his wife used to cook the food and how it taste? Whether he has bought ticket or just travelling free so he can save 3Rs? Does he used to celebrate the festivals or just used to pass it like Empty River of summer? Doesn’t this grown up man used to cry and curse the god for the life he has got? Since how long he’s living this life like a hell? Or does his life like a hell in real? Or just I’m thinking this crap to just pass this boring time? I observe these different faces among the heavy crowds and try to compare my life with them? Am I feeling sad now? Or am I really lucky because I’m called engineer now? Can I survive if I used to put in those situations of life? Why the hell there’s so much pain in this world and why people are bearing it? Don’t these people ever want to succeed in their life? Don’t they dream about cars and bungalows? Don’t they want to speak English? Don’t they want to eat in five stars hotels? Don’t they want to fly in aeroplane and want to stare at hot air hostess? I try to ignore these thoughts and turn my face towards the window. The world outside the window is moving so fast, I think. Hey come on that’s just because of relative speed between bus and others. Every day at CTM cross road our bus used to cross staff bus of AIA engineering company. It’s MNC. I do look at the faces seating inside that buses. How engineers of an MNC do looks? Of course looks calm and in half sleep mode. After all for what the hell they are worrying? Huh? I do think that here in my bus I’m seating among those who cannot sleep at night in worrying of tomorrow and in this staff bus still employees are sleeping without worrying of work load. May be if I can get the job in an MNC so I can live life like them and don’t have to suffer in this much heavy crowds, I used to think. These heavy storms of heavy thoughts never end till I reach at Ramol Patiya. After reaching Ramol Patiya, first I’ll go to bajarang tea, the most famous chay wala ,to take a sip. Now here atmosphere seems like this every day. So many workers of G.I.D.C. gather every morning to take sip here. They’ll drink cutting in 5 minutes and then they’ll spend at least an hour there. They’ll read news paper loudly so his neighbour won’t have to read it. Than these buddies will start to discuss about news they’ve read. They’ll start worry about the future of India suddenly. Some will discuss the politics like they’re going to stand in this election. They’ll give suggestion if manmohan singh has done this than it would be better. Another group is discussing about the sport. “Sachin should have take retirement now”. “Indian cricketers concentrate on Adds more than game”. “this 20-20 is better than test matches”. “Indian team is going to sink soon, their future is dark”. Hell..!!! The most common sentences they’re exchanging every day. I smirk and take my way towards my company. Adco controls, 5318 plot no. phase-4VATVA G.I.D.C. When I’ve joined the first question raised in my mind was “what does this ADCO means?” huh? Does any one know? I don’t have found this answer yet. Here workers are interesting. They have thousands idea how not to work every day. But they are insane about their self for what they are. And I do like that thing the most. They work here for company like hell and earn them in amount of 8 digits and if you’ll ask him how much company pay him? They’ll answer their salary in just 4 digits. And of course with smile. How they can be so happy in just 4 digits though it’s not fair enough or they deserve more than it or they belong from too middle class families? Huh? But they enjoy the work like they are born to do that only. I stay there till 6.00 pm. I do wait very eagerly when in my computer clock show digit 6.00. I rush toward the Ramol Patiya again so I can catch the bus of 6.10 pm otherwise I’ll have to wait another half an hour. And in the evening if I can see the bus empty than it must be a dream only. I curse the crowds. Why do these much people used to get leave on same time or why the hell these much people are working here? Huh? Now Again I’m in bus and again I’m watching the faces with thousands of expression carrying along. Oh not again. I tell to my brain. But it won’t stop showing insanity. Again I start to observe people. Some are fighting and burst in riots just to get sit on the window. One wants to open it and one wants to keep it shut. I don’t know what the hell is there to fighting for? There’s one guy whom I see every day and I found him most peace full person among us. He used to sit from the first station of this bus and used to travel till final station. He used to drink wine every day, used to grab one seat and used to lost in his world. Let the world go to the hell and let me enjoy the sleep, probably he thinks. One day he stood up suddenly and gave me space to seat. I amazed why he did this? He still has to travel at least an hour. But he didn’t know that he has to travel a lot still coz he has drunk a lot and thought that his place has arrived so gave me space. Love you man. I was too tired on that day. How interesting the crap talk seems while listening it in the bus. Every day I do found at least one thing that I can remember for life time and can tell my grand Childs. Loll. One day I found a man who has explained me how to get the bus pass. And you know He took 45 minutes to explain and I got that pass within just 15 minutes of procedure.Why I had bear that uncle for 45 minutes long? Huh? One day one uncle and aunty were discussing about the current generation. They were cursing the boys and girls working in call centres. They were cursing their dressing. They were cursing hair style. They were cursing computer games and internet. I don’t know why they get bad impression in their mind when listen the word internet? Huh? They used to look at me and then start another point regarding that discussion. I gave him annoyed look and turn my face away. One day one uncle and aunty (dada and dadi) of age about 60 was fighting just because by mistake that grand pa touched her while buying ticket. I don’t know what the point is there to fight at the stage of this age. Public were enjoying that lot rather than making both calm. One day our bus driver started to fight with truck driver just coz that truck driver has jammed the traffic and our bus driver cares for it more than traffic police. One day one commercial and business woman mother was giving high dose of sophisticated advice to her daughter who is hardly of 5 year. I wanted to tell her that let her enjoy the view of outside the window, let her see the world at own, let just live the child inside of her. One day an old lady was travelling with her grandson of 4 years and wanted me to give seat of window so her grandson can seat peacefully. I gave space to seat but that little terrorist refused to seat with me coz he was getting afraid of me. I stood up and let his grandma seat. He became my friend than. One day I lost my APPLE i-pod by mistake. I rushed behind that bus up to 5 km in rickshaw but didn’t found. And there are lots of such one days I’m enjoying every day. And finally at evening, after travelling around two hours I used to reach at my flat. Tired with the thoughts I sleeps around 12.00. And again at sharp 6.45 am in the morning, alarm starts to ring. And life proceeds further in same manner. That’s the life I’m living right now. Hell.... Am I falling in love with Ahmedabad? .....