I need a Shotgun

In the life, Sometimes you feel like that “why don’t you have any rights to kill someone?”, “Give me a shot gun, I want to shoot right in between the eyes of this bastard ".” This person has no authority to live a life and call a human being". Don't you feel? Yep. Everyone feels. Most probably after watching Ekta kapoor's serials or after listening songs of Himesh Reshamiya. They are as horrible as nightmare. Okay. Apart from the joke, you'll seriously feel like that in your day-life. Before the few days, I was sipping the tea at our regular kittle. It's really habitual now to take nicotine from there. I can't stay away from drinking the tea. You'll find the best mixture of the nicotine and the milk at the Nilkanth tea stall. It's not a famous one in our area, but I do feel it serves the best. And the location it gets is something you can call unique like shown in the movie. In the deep street, at the last shop, and beside that shop you'll find one of the darkest, deepest and longest another street. Probably no one can imagine that there is a tea stall until and unless some one takes you there. The owner name is "I don't know" as usual. But every morning he used to say me "JAY BHOLENATH" when I used to go there. And I used to greet him with "HAR HAR MAHADEV". I'm not that much religious boy but still it brings name of the god every morning, and I feel good about it. He is tall and he has big moustache. I know him as BIG-MAN. He's quite, you can say like dedicated in his work. One day He was telling how he used to serve with his best and that’s why how he used to manage so many customers even he's not the famous CHAY WALA. You know, we have made one type of bondage in the relation as he's serving me as a special customer and pour tea in the special cups. I respect him a lot. But still I don't know his name. He looks like the Guajarati but he's the Rajasthani by born and he has lots of problem in the accent of Gujarati language. He lives nearby, but I guess he doesn’t has wife because so many times I’ve seen him cooking in the shop. One day he was offering me food also. But I want a shot gun or a machine gun and I want to hit all those bullets, how many a gun can be filled with, right in to his head. Yeah, I really want to. No doubt, he serves the best tea and always serves with me that best one. But I still want to see his photo in news paper stating killed by me. Oh! Don't worry, I haven't made any special hit list and he's not on the top of that. But yes, He has no right to live. That shop also has another 3 members. One uncle is as old as much him, he just used to smile everyday to me rather than greeting me with another god's name like "JAY SWAMINARAYN" or anything else. So I just smile back to him daily. And there's only a SMILE-RELATION between us. And another 2 members are small boys.

Yeah, little boys of the age of, I guess, 8 to 12 years. Both don't speak much. They only re-act only when their two bosses used to roar at them. "OYE, take those cups", "come on! Wash the plates quickly", " Where the hell are you moron? That guy is waiting for his damn cup". These all are command lines for him and they'll do their work like an order of the army man. They'll only speak to you if you had forgotten to pay the money or forgotten to take the money back. Honest boys, you know. Before few days I was thinking that they both were son or relatives of those two owners. One day I decided to talk with one of those two little guys. I called him to bring tea and he brought in a flash of the light. I asked him to sit with me but he refused gently. He couldn't sit otherwise his boss would scream and curse. I asked him “where you're studying?". But he choose to answer me with the silence. I asked again “In which standard you're studying?". Again I'm answered by the silence. I thought to leave the efforts.But suddenly it struck and I asked “Are you studying or not boy?".And here I got the answer in his shook of head. Hell man!! I looked to the BIG-MAN and asked in angry voice, “Is he not studying?"

He said “NO” in cold voice. I stunned. The taste of tea was not good anymore as I feel there everyday. I asked again “Why he's not studying?".

"It's written in his destiny not to study", BIG-MAN answered. And that hit me like a hell. AND rest conversation is like this.

Me: "But there's a government school, you'll get an education in free."

BIG-MAN:"Who'll keep these boys? Who’ll give space to live them?"

ME:" Of course you, Aren't they are your anything?"

BIG-MAN: "Nope, They are nobody to us."

Me: "Then? Then who are these boys? From where they belong?"

BIG-MAN: "They are here to work only. They are from Rajasthan, far away 70km from my village. Nothing more than it"

Me: "Hell, And where's their parents?"

BIG-MAN: "In the Rajasthan"

Me:" So these boys are living here in another state, probably not aware of geography of Gujarat, without education, working like a stupid dogs, And for what? "

BIG-MAN: "to earn the money of course, to help their parents, it's their choice"

Me: "this is totally unfair, are they going to wash your cups and plates for their entire life?"

BIG-MAN: "Of course, what else can they do? It's written in their destiny, I told you. If every one become rich than whom will you call poor? If mason will become rich than who will built the house? Everyone has their roll in the life. And these boys have theirs."

And here I needed that SHOT-GUN. I wanted to kill him, the person whom I respect a lot for his dedication for tea, and the person who used to greet me with name of god. Is he really speaking these words? How can a human thought like this even?

ME: "Oh man! Who the hell are you to decide their destiny? Huh? He wants to study. I can sense that thing in their silence"

BIG-MAN remained speechless then. I looked towards the boy. He was a bit terrified. I asked if he wants to study or not? But again his silence gave me an answer. I turned towards another boy and asked the same thing. He replied “Will you teach me ENGLISH?"

Me: "Definitely buddy, every Sunday, 2 hours for you".

He smiled. I smiled and turn towards the big man. But he was not happy at all.

He told me:"shop is open for Sunday too, He can't come".

Me: "I'm just asking for only two hours. I won't take any fees, man!"

But He shook his head. I turned my face and noticed the expression of boys. I paid the bill and left. Then I remembered faces of Boys. One was looking sad. One was numb and cleaning the surface of table. Both were annoyed. I had not strength to say them sorry. I had not strength to say them that I can’t help you boys. I had not strength to smile at them. I had not strength to ask for my tea. I was feeling so weak that I can’t help them. That’s why I just left. I was thinking about their eyes, how their eyes were lit up when he was asking about learning English and how his eyes were almost wet when the BIG-MAN refused to let him learn. I was thinking how both will look after 20 years cleaning the mess in that shop? I can’t keep both with me as I'm still struggling to survive in the city of 5.2 million populations. I wanted to go back and wanted to explain how those boys can be an engineer or a doctor. But I didn't go. I didn't have that much courage. I tried to sleep but those innocent eyes were staring at me. I felt the weakest among all the human being.

Next morning I went there again. Things were changed. I was not greeted by "JAY BHOLENATH" anymore. I looked to the boys. Like every day they were working calmly. One boy looked at me and then turned his face without smile. BIG-MAN brought the tea. Oh! Tea was not good too. The first time I didn't enjoy tea there. The taste of nicotine didn't please me. I don’t have strength to go back there now. I want to help them. But I don’t have strength, I don’t have courage. I’m weak.