The First Step..The First Post..a prologue of my life..

Ahemm….ahemmm…hmmm…… Again the same problem, I really don’t know from where I should start. Don’t know why I always fears to start something in my life. I fears when asked to open the innings for my team. I gently says ” no. I’ll go one down”.They asks "why?". Still unanswered question. I used to fear to seat up in the first bench in the school. I feared, if sir would ask question what would I answer?And when I used to seat in back rows. Suddenly my brain used to get each and every answers. I feared to be first in exams too. Sir stood me up and ask how did you get these much good marks? I used to thought "how could I know? ask to the paper checkers. why they let me get?” But never answered. I feared to start the talk with a girl. I used to think “where the hell my that long tongue disappears when I used to put in that “FIRST” situations” .I feared to go on the stage first in Dramas. I feared to fly my kite first.I feared to raise mine finger first if I knew the answer. I think, I always feared those called FIRST things due to these reasons. I always thought that I would embarrass my self if I would start something or what people would think if my way is stupid? or what would they say if I bowled out on first ball of the match? or What if I would sound stupid once than will remain like this forever? or sir will think now a days stupid started to get the ranks by cheatings though I never cheats in real. or I would dissatisfy them as they are expecting something better. or I’m not the capable to start anything though in my mind I know "I’m capable”. or I’ll broken down if public will woooooe my start. Enough reasons,i guess. So that’s why I never started to post here since long time though I wanted to post so many things and used to think about it lot. But now, I decided to post because right now there’s not any single one to read this stupidity. yeah,no one. And that’s great. I've no fear anymore. And if anyone read it and criticize it then who the hell is care in real. After all it’s my blog, a raise of confidence. I think sometimes that I’m little pessimist but I don’t need to be like that, But the first part of my thought always win and used to say me again "yeah.you’re more than a little pessimist”. But what to do with it? I don’t know or may be I don’t want to know.Confusion. Brain always knows the answer but so many thoughts confuses it.And it wont able to find answer. And that I know. Otherwise all the questions can be answers so simply. But as my nature I do like complex things and complex equations too.lol. I was good at them when I was in school. And I do love that imaginary part of it. In equation as well in my life. Both are synonymous. They always confuse to real part and makes the solution difficult.Imagination and illusion. My some of the favorite word. Will tell you later. But to whom?. I don’t who will like to read me out and after this first post, I cant imagine that nos. of persons who will read. Might be no one. But if anyone there. I thanks to you. Please criticize me.(I know I’m not celebrity..its just sound like that…lol.)...Give the comments…and ..more i don’t know..you can do whatever you like..i’ll back soon….ready to bear me up.....