Awkward situations

The last post was too heavy to bear. I was sentimental at that time because of that incident at tea-stall. And that’s why that post turned out somewhat sad. You know emotions, can’t stay in control. But now this time I thought, I would write about something funny, something light without overload of emotions and something really awkward. In life, sometimes we are stunned for a moment and skip our heart beat. There’s one saying, “Even though you’ll cut his vein, the blood won’t flow out”. Exactly about that situation I want to post. But after that stunning moment you don’t have any serious circumstances but uncontrollable laughter. After all I want to talk about funny things.

I was attending marriage of my school friend on 4^th December at Surat. He’s my close buddy name RAJAN. We were in same class in school, used to sit on same bench and he almost passed out each exam by copying from my answer sheets. He’s huge in body and looks like gangster. So I was at his marriage. We were standing in a crowd and talking about life. He was yawing after speaking each sentence. I told him “Buddy, you’re going to marry today. You should be fresh. And you’re yawning each second like you haven’t sleep since a week.”

RAJAN: “Nah man! Just yesterday night, we friends were sitting lazy and talking about crap things till 2.00 am. So I’m feeling sleepy”.

ME: “Come on boy. It was just 2.00. Now from today you have to be awake the whole night. Your wife won’t let you sleep boy.”

And I started to laugh. But he didn’t laugh. I was surprised. “What’s the matter boy? I cracked a joke and you’re not laughing at it. Oh it was poor joke but at least you can smile man!” I told him

But still he was showing me same NO-EXPRESSION face. I was amazed. Everyone was silent around me at that time. I was feeling like I did a crime. Then Rajan spoke. And here even though you’ll cut my vein then also blood won’t flow out.

“Pratik, the man standing beside you is my wife’s brother.” He clarified.

I looked at him. He was still looking at me in disgust. I changed my expression in SORRY mode. But still he was staring at me with wide eyes. I thought about my broken bones if he would decide to beat me. I thought about insult if he would slap me in public. “Man! I was just trying to create a light atmosphere around me. It was just a silly joke” I wanted to tell him. But didn’t tell. After all I cracked joke about his sister. And which Indian boy would bear if joke is all about his sister. I felt crap. I just walked away in silent without noticed by anyone. Rajan came near me. I was silent. He started to laugh suddenly. “Now for what the hell he was laughing? Is he just understood my joke now or what?” I thought.

RAJAN: “Are you stupid, man? Why did you speak those words in public? Just take care who’s around you bro.”

ME: “But it was just a silly joke man. And your family members are not less than 50. How could I recognize everyone? Just give one big sticker to your relatives and tell them to stick it on their head so I can recognize your relationship with them?”

RAJAN: “That’s why I didn’t laugh there. And don’t worry he’s not my wife’s brother. He’s my cousin’s husband. But still it creates a bad impression if you say such stupid words. Just take care”

I was relieved after hearing those words. I asked him “then why you lied to me at first?”

RAJAN: “just like that. I Wanted to watch your expression”

I ran behind him to beat.

That was a really awkward moment for me. Then during the whole marriage ceremony I didn’t speak much. I just stared at beautiful girls. But didn't say anything.

Well, in another incident I almost fainted. In my family all are cricket maniacs. They are diehard fans and LAST-BALL hope guys. If there’s cricket match of India then its atmosphere like festival at my home. You don’t need to listen to commentary in the presence of my family members. One day it was a match of India. I don’t remember with which team. My parents, two uncles, one aunt, two cousins, my sister and I all were in front of our T.V. In between two overs it was a commercial going on. Rahul Dravid was standing with helmet in his hand and was giving advice about AIDS. He mentioned the word condom there while patting on his helmet. In India if there’s any commercial going on T.V. regarding sex then all family members act like they are not paying attention to it and they pretend children are not paying too. But no one can stay away from that 3 letter word. Suddenly my younger cousin, who was age of 10 years at that time, asked “Pratikbhai, Is condom means a helmet? Huh?” I was stunned. I tried to pretend that he didn’t ask me. I didn’t reply and started to talk about something else. But you know obstinate child is like Government servant. He won’t be satisfied until his demand is satisfied. He asked again even louder “Tell me, is condom and helmet both the same? Or don’t you know like me?” Now my all family members were staring at me like they really want to know whether I really know about condoms or not. My sisters wanted to laugh but didn’t. They left the room. Still all are eyes were scanning my expression. Even though you’ll cut my vein then also blood won’t flow from inside. I looked down and answered “yeah, Rahul Dravid was right. You understood perfectly.” He replied with a smile “I always knew”. “Yeah better. Then why did you ask me, you moron?” I thought. I don’t know If my family members were satisfied by my answer or not. Or were they thinking “stupid Pratik doesn’t even know this thing ?” I left the room quickly. I looked at my sisters and they started to laugh at me like they have seen joker. I started to laugh too. “I know the meaning of condom” I told them.

In another incident, I was travelling in a bus. It was a heavy crowd at that time. I don’t know why all crowd like to travel in the same bus in which I travel. As usual I didn’t get seat, so I was standing and cursing the crowd. How could it be possible if I travel in a bus and an incident not happen? One uncle sat beside where I was standing, and he was talking to his neighbor about grooms, if his neighbor wants to find one for his daughter. He was talking so loudly that probably the whole bus could have heard his voice. He suddenly pointed at me and screamed “Exactly like this boy is another boy living in a village near mine. Just look at him.” And suddenly around 30 passengers turned their face towards me. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to tell them that uncle is lying, there isn't any existence of such a boy like me and don’t look at me like this. He screamed again “yeah! Same height, same body, same face. What a coincidence!” Now everyone started to scan me from my toe to cap. And started to gossip. I was feeling embarrassed. Now I realize how a girl feels when we scan her like this and then start to gossip about it. Still uncle was not satisfied. He went further. “And you know he’s studying engineering in a college”. Hell!!! I was studying engineering too. Thanks god he didn’t mention ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING or I’d jump from the bus, I thought. But no how can it be over so easily when it’s me in the picture. He mentioned the course name. “It is something electrical or electronic engineering”. I looked at that uncle and wanted to tell please stop you matrimonial publicity and let live me peacefully or you’ll murdered by me right now. But he was looking at me like he was asking me “Are you an electrical engineer too or what?” I shook my head like he had really asked me. How can that many detail can match at same time. Again that uncle turned towards me and screamed “This is the perfect boy for your daughter, you can come to look at him. He’s Xerox-copy of this one.” He pointed out me. His neighbor again looked at me. I raise my head and look ahead but all passengers were staring at me like they all are looking for a groom for their daughters. How can anyone manage to look anywhere when all people around him are looking at his face? I just looked at the roof of the bus pretending it was the sky and started to pray “God! Will you shut this moron up? Or he’ll plan my wedding in this bus” People were laughing at me. I couldn’t laugh. It was really awkward situation for me. Really!!

One day I was sitting in a garden with my friends and we all were laughing madly about something. We were not aware of who’s standing near us or who’s passing through the garden. I suddenly started to abuse one of my friends. I was still laughing after abusing him. But I didn’t know that my laughter is going to be converted in awkward situation soon. While I was laughing after abusing, two persons were passing behind me. They suddenly stop and turned towards me. Still I wasn't aware. I was laughing loudly. But when I turned my face to them, all the colors of my face blew away. They were our professors. Y.S.Patel and V.R.Patel. Both are scary. If they decide then your grandson would complete his graduation before you. Y.S.Patel screamed “who the hell is this? Huh? Who the hell is abusing in campus?” His eyes were red. None of us spoke a single word. All were scared. All knew that I abused. Even the professors knew, still they asked that stupid question. V.R.Patel replied,”that fellow” pointing with his index finger. Y.S.Patel, “Is this a way to behave in campus? In which branch are you?” V.R.Patel, “Electrical, I think, 5^th sem electrical” He replied like an assistant. Thank you for providing correct information you idiot, I thought. Y.S.Patel, “give me your I-card. And who’s your H.O.D.(head of department)? Mr. M.R.Patel na?” I nodded. Don’t know why he was asking such question which he can answer on his own. I brought out my wallet and acted like I was searching for my I-card. It was inside the wallet. But if I’d give my I-card then I’d fire. I lied and said “sorry sir, I don’t have I-card with me right now. I’ve submitted in library.” V.R.Patel, an assistant spoke, “look, now this boy don’t have even his I-card with him.” But Y.S.Patel has sharp eyes. He looked at a piece of paper folded neatly and asked, “What is that thing? Show me.” I unfold the paper. It was my exam receipt. Y.S.Patel, “give me that one and meet me in my cabin. I’ll send you to your H.O.D. he’ll look you. Just remember I’ve your exam receipt” He went away. I and my friends were still sitting in garden. Those morons started to laugh at me rather than giving sympathy. Now what to do? Actually that exam receipt was old. I’ve given that exam. But that receipt had my photo and my name and stated my branch too. Damn! I decided to go to meet him. I convinced one friend to come with me. I entered in his cabin. He was looking at me angrily. I said “sorry sir”. “What sorry! Is this your home that you can abuse here?” “Stupid, no one abuses at home. Do you?” I thought. “Sorry sir, this won’t happen again. I’m giving you surety.” I said in regretful expression. He was a nice guy. He knew that abusing is not bad thing. It’s natural. After all it is the best way to express feelings with true emotions. He gave my receipt back and said “take care next time, or I’ll send you to your H.O.D.” I took my receipt and thanked him for not sending me to Mr.M.R.Patel. You should have seen my expression when I got caught in the garden in front of those 2 professors. It was like, Even though you’ll cut my vein, Blood won’t flow from inside.